I was trying to login after it had suspended, because it took a while I ended up accidentally pressing "login as another user", unfortunately, I did not want that option, but it would not let me stay logged in as me:
press another user, password prompt opens,
choose me again, password prompt opens,
it then logs me all the way in enough to see all expected programs open, then it immediately locks again, and reverts to the choose another user screen.
back to step 1.
The only way out was a reboot. Is there any way to change this behaviour?
i do not yet know enough about BSD to know what to look into.

That is not normal behaviour, and I am not sure of the root cause of the problem, but it is basically a problem of using software made for linux on BSD.